If I Wanted Boobs I Would Have Bought Porn…

I will not name names, but as I flipped through one of my recent RPG purchases the depictions of scantily clad women were pretty silly. I mean, garter straps and fishnet stockings with a breastplate that exposes nearly the entire breast does not qualify as armor. I do not care that the artwork is for a fantasy, or sci-fi, or freaking horror game. I am tired of publishers using artwork of women as sex objects in their RPG products.

Do not misunderstand me. I like to see erotic art. I am fine with pornography. I think that stuff is great, and I believe that it can be part of a person’s sex life without causing any harm to anyone at all. You want to make, watch, sell, or avoid porn? Fine. Your choice and not mine no matter what you decide. Just do not lecture me on what I choose and we will be cool.

My problem with this highly suggestive artwork in RPGs is not about the art being of scantily clad women. My problems with it are that these pictures are:

• Ridiculous! I’ve seen pictures of women in power armor but the cleavage is still exposed! What? That part of the female body is bullet proof?
• One sided. “How come there are not more girl gamers?” Maybe because the pictures of guys in RPGs show them in poses and attire that makes them look like heroes with a chance at changing the world, and the pictures of women make them look like hookers. That might influence Jane Doe’s decision not to play your silly game with five dudes in a basement.
• Irrelevant. This kind of artwork usually has nothing to do with the game. It is like the publisher said “Get me a picture of a dwarf for this chapter on races, a dragon for the chapter on monsters, and a sexy female druid with a huge set of knockers with only the nipples covered for the chapter on skill checks. Channel your inner Larry Flynt on that last one.”
• It is common. If one or two publishers did this sort of thing I would shrug and say “That is their choice, and they will have to deal with both the positive and the negative consequences of that.” But look at the cover of the Player’s Handbook for Dungeons & Dragons 4th Edition (and in this case I’ll name names because I am not going to hurt 4e’s sales). See that female magic user? All that treasure and she still cannot find a top in her size. And don’t go saying “But the dragonborn next to her has exposed skin!” He has scales. That fucker looks like a cheese grater naked, while Miss spellcaster is ready to do a Go-Daddy Super Bowl ad.

I am not twelve. I am familiar with the pleasures of the flesh. My wife and I are very happily married, and we have sex often. If I want to see something titillating or just outright obscene I am comfortable enough with my sexuality to go get that material on my own, whether it be in the privacy of my own home or out in public. I have been to both strip clubs and porn conventions, and have lots of fond memories with members of the opposite sex in various stages of undress. In other words, I am an adult.

Now unless your RPG is about sex (I am cool with that by the way), or if somehow you explain why people (meaning that the half of the population with balls is included) dress in skimpy revealing outfits in your game’s setting, please show me a little respect and get artwork that better demonstrates the actual qualities of your product. Seriously, a Google images search for “hot naked elf chick” with the safe search off is going to do just fine if that is what I wanted to see. I verified this of course in the interest of accuracy.

Stop playing the sexist art card publishers. How about you focus on delivering a kick ass game instead?