Now I Prefer Running To Gaming

Today it hit me like a fist in the gut: I no longer want to invest serious time into my tabletop RPG hobby. I would rather focus on my health and physical abilities than to spend my time reading rules and running an RPG. This is a big shift for me to make in a relatively short period of time, and it was startling to have this epiphany.

One reason why this epiphany had such an impact upon me was because it happened while I was running. I suddenly understood that somewhere over the last two years I began to crave more physical exercise and activity in my life, and less escapism at the gaming table.

Do I want to play in RPGs still? Yes, but only with a few select friends when I think about it. Do I want to GM a game? Maybe, but only if it is going to have a limited number of sessions (six, maybe eight, but no more than that). Do I want to go to a gaming convention? No. I no longer really want to go to gaming conventions (although I do hope to see friends made through gaming when possible).

What I want to do now is to focus on developing myself. I have had a lot of fun with gaming, and I believe that I have achieved some success through gaming albeit on a small scale. For the longest time I kept telling myself “Now you have to design a great RPG. That is the next step!”

But today I realized it is a step that I really do not want to take, and that I also do not want to be that involved with gaming at all. The allure is gone. I just do not want to do it anymore.

I want to play in my local group’s game, but because I want to hangout with my friends. I want to support my local game shop, but because I like the owners (again, they are my friends). I just do not identify myself as a gamer anymore. I used to have a ton of different game ideas in my head that kept bouncing around demanding that I learn another system and run another game. That is no longer the case.

Now I just want to run a short Savage Worlds campaign for my buddies, develop some RPG materials for a friend, and after that I really do not think it would matter if I no longer played RPGs at all.

Is this because of age? Maybe. I do not believe so, but it could be a factor. What I cannot help but think though is that perhaps I have been using gaming as an excuse for not pursuing other interests. Perhaps I was keeping myself busy with gaming so that I would not have to take that long hard look in the mirror and realize that more could be done, and needed to be done, with the guy looking back at me.

I will still dabble in gaming from time-to-time to maintain friendships I am sure, but the desire to be a gamer has evaporated just like my desire to blog about gaming had a while back.

And I am oddly happy with this change. It is not fueled by some desire against gaming. It just seems to be that gaming has given me what I needed, and now it is time to do something else.

Who knew that this day would come? I certainly did not.